Teaching the word "Gay"

[gearhead]

"Eww. Barbie is so gay!"
"Gay? Hmm. What does the word gay mean to you?"
"I don't know"

I've had many of these conversations with students, and this one didn't go anywhere today because the bell rang. I usually get as far as "Well, gay can mean when a boy loves a boy, or when a girl loves a girl" before I begin to wonder about my job security in this conservative state. However, today reminded me that I'd love any ideas that people have - for small children, or big people - for ways to handle such outbursts.

[SpringFlowers]

I tried to explain to a 10-year-old once that insulting his friend with "you throw like a girl" was an insult to women and girls. He insisted that he was insulting his friend, not women.

I said, "Well, if being called a girl is bad, then being a girl must be bad, and it's insulting to think that just being a girl is a bad thing."

His response "I didn't say girls were bad, I was saying he throws like a girl".

"Yes, in order to insult him - which must mean that it's bad to be a girl, if it's an insult to be compared to one."

"I didn't say anything about girls! I was insulting HIM!"

Either he was just being defensive at being corrected or he's too thick to ever understand anything. I don't know.



With adults who say "so gay" in front of me, I just say straight-out, "I don't care for that, please don't say it around me", very calmly and almost indifferent, too nonchalant to make someone defensive about it's "alternate meaning". Although I did once get a lecture on the multiple definitions of "gay", I just responded with "Well, I don't like to hear it, anyway, no matter how you meant it." It's the same thing I would say for several other words, and I don't care to engage in a discussion about the "meaning" of those, either. I just don't want to hear them.

Miss Manners says that politeness does not require enduring insult. Although it is never correct to correct another adult, you can let them know that they have crossed your line, with polite requests to desist or disapproving remarks ranging from "I beg your pardon" to "Well, I never!" to "You will hear from my lawyer!!", depending on the degree of offense.

[gearhead]

Thank you for this. I might have to practice saying "I don't care for that" in the mirror.
It's never correct to correct an adult? I guess it isn't, if the only person I can change is me.

As for children, I think my best approach is still, "What does that mean?".
I just wish school dictionaries had some teeth to them so we could look it up!

[SpringFlowers]

Miss Manners holds firm to the idea that correcting someone else is rude; and that you cannot mitigate rudeness with further rudeness.

However, there are ways:

You can be concerned for someone's safety (Please put down my antique, it's fragile and if it broke you might be hurt!)

You can be confused (I'm sure that's not what I've read; I'll have to double-check my information.)

True offense does not have to be tolerated quietly; you must understand the difference in true offense and simple errors, lapses, and omissions (as already illustrated with "I beg your pardon" to "Well, I never!" to "You will hear from my lawyer!!")

Obviously, when the situation becomes extreme and you are preventing a crime or imminent danger, that has gone past the point of "correcting" someone and into civic duty. There is a difference here, as well.